That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
