on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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