I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You are a genius and a whore.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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