Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
