I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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