I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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