Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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