There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
