My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize