She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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