her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Randomize