glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
