Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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