there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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