when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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