If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize