your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
