Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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