this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
