i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
