Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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