thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
