dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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