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I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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