I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize