How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
