my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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