Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Fuck me I smell like cheese
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
