Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
ugly people sure do ruin things
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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