You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
