i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
