My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
