Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
