Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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