Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
