Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
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Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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