oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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