Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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