Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
