Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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