I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
