I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
