I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
