I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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