Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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