How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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