Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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