I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I am mentally ready for anal.
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