its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
