some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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