My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
