Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
