I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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