i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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