Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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