You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
