I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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