Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize