Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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