Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
