I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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