dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
