I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
