just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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