i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
