I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
