what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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