well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
