I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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