I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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