I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
