Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
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They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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