He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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