did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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