girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
