Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
