I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
